One Door Closes

Scan 24So it’s the end of my first full year of posting a doodle a day and as the door to 2017 closes, the window on the next year opens.  This time of year people experience all kinds of emotions on mass.  Relief, sadness, loneliness, excitement and joy all tend to buzz along underneath a kind of generic optimism which invades our collective senses and draws us toward making promises.

To ourselves and each other we pledge that this is the year we will finally gain control over all our flaws.  I will give up alcohol.  I will go to the Gym at least 3 (2, 1, 0) times a week.  I will finally volunteer with that charity who do good works.  This is the time of the year when we focus in on our flaws and promise to do better.  I must start ‘x, I must stop ‘y’.

Scan 25And as the door creaks closed on 2018, I have found myself falling into this very familiar pattern.  I woke up this morning and immediately my thoughts turned to what do I hate about myself that I can resolve to fix come midnight tonight.  However after a cup of tea, my resolve shifted into a more peaceful and open space.  Perhaps it is the snow that fell a few days ago while I was staying with my family in the midlands.  Or the power cut that followed.  Perhaps it was the long train journey with no iPod or entertainment I took yesterday to get home.  It could have even been the short hop across London where my bag was squeaking (don’t ask) and my shoulders were hunched over in the tube in order to crush myself onto the Bakerloo line to Oxford Circus.

Scan 22Either way I wasn’t sure what to set as my New Year’s resolution this year.  I started off thinking it could be to not point out all my flaws within myself, and notice when that sharpened sense of judgement spills unfairly over into others.  Through doing a doodle a day over the last year, I have learned that accepting mistakes and working with them makes me much happier then feeding any sense of shame.  It might sound cheesy but I want to greet this year with a fortified sense of forgiveness.  But that didn’t feel quite right.

After some reflection and searching, I could feel myself getting frustrated.  There were so many things wrong with me, where could I possible start?  Why is committing to something so difficult?  I wasn’t kind enough, I wasn’t in control enough,  I’m not good looking, why oh why can’t I find peace!?  Then it dawned on me.  I give up.  Flaws I see you and I accept you.  New Year resolved in a boiled egg epiphany over breakfast.  No stop, no start, just me doing a doodle once a day, every day and accepting everything else that comes and goes with that.

So Happy New Year to you all.  What ever you resolve to do this year, I wish you all the best in your endeavours, and I will see you on the other side of the mid night chime with a fun game to start you all on the right track

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